


Love, tears and tragedy (and flowers)

by totallyjaemin



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Donghyuck centred, Donghyuck loves Mark so much, Eventual Happy Ending, Flowers, Fluff at end, Hanahaki Disease, Happy at end I promise, Hurt, Jaemin is an amazing friend, M/M, Mark is blind, One-Sided Attraction, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending, The make out at the end, The rest of dreamies are mentioned briefly at end, blood warning, coughing up flowers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-24
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-07-16 06:58:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16080872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/totallyjaemin/pseuds/totallyjaemin
Summary: Oh, only if they knew flowers had found their way into Donghyuck’s lungs, if they knew that seeing Mark holding hands with someone else made his throat burn and that his shattered heart was too broken to be fixed with kind words and super glue.orWhen Donghyuck starts coughing up flowers because he fell in love with his best friend Mark Lee.





	Love, tears and tragedy (and flowers)

**Author's Note:**

> Hanahaki Disease is a fictional disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. It ends when the beloved returns their feelings (romantic love only; strong friendship is not enough), or when the victim dies. It can be cured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the victim's romantic feelings for their love also disappear.

Everyone knew how much Donghyuck loved flowers, it was a well-known fact to everyone. He was the sun and the flowers grew in his presence, Donghyuck and flowers just went perfectly together.

He would point out any flower he walked past, appreciating its beauty. Flowers gave him a feeling of euphoria. He liked the way they made any place look livelier, he liked the way each one and every petal was unique, he liked watching them bloom and sway in the  
summer wind.

His room was filled with vases of a variety of different flowers, and each one was looked after with an equal amount of love. 

Donghyuck might put up a reserved facade at school and he may throw a lot of remarks at others, but behind all that he was the softest flower loving boy who craved constant love and affection.

So, it was a very bittersweet moment when Donghyuck sat slouched over the toilet coughing up petals. They climbed their way up his throat, making him feel like someone had their hands wrapped tightly around his neck. They scratched and made his stomach churn, it was the most unfamiliar and unusual feeling.

At first, he hadn’t an idea on what was happening, he excused himself from his friends and ran to the school bathroom. Slamming the cubicle door behind himself and falling onto his knees.

Tears started to block his version as he started coughing, it wasn’t much but three petals landed into the toilet bowl. Donghyuck recognized them straight away, it was the petals of a lavender rose. 

The world was cruel, turning something so beautiful and delicate into a curse. Flowers were meant to bring Donghyuck happiness not pain and suffering, it was ever so unfair.

Donghyuck knees collapsed underneath him and he clung onto the cubicle wall, his tears falling heavily onto his lap. He knew exactly what it meant, he had the beginning of hanahaki disease.

He wasn’t a hundred percent shocked seeing the petals fall from his mouth, he knew he was suffering from one sided love for a while now. Maybe he was lucky the disease hadn’t caught up to him earlier, or maybe years and years of flowers have been building up inside of him and now they are overflowing.

Donghyuck wiped away his tears with shaking hands and smiled sadly. He doesn’t regret falling in love with the person who couldn’t requite it back, he could never regret it not even if this disease killed him. 

The two things he loved most, flowers and the boy who couldn’t love him back, we’re going to be the death of him. It was cruelly ironic, Donghyuck couldn’t help but give a bitter smile at himself.

He had a garden of Lavender roses blooming inside of him, consuming his airways and slowly suffocating him.

A lavender rose meant love at first sight and enchantment, he thought the flower did fit perfectly. It was a beautiful flower which Donghyuck had gifted Mark many times, a flower he loved deeply. 

Mark, the boy for the cause of his hanahaki had made Donghyuck fall in love instantly with him. They met when he Donghyuck was in his first year of high school, from the moment Mark smiled at him he knew he was in trouble. He also knew Mark would never love him more than a friend and he learnt over the years to be okay with that and accept it.

However, recently Mark got a girlfriend, she was insanely pretty and kind and they were perfect together. Their hands interlocked like a puzzle and their eyes lit up when they saw each other. 

Donghyuck knew someone like Mark wouldn’t stay single forever and he knew he should have seen this coming. But when he saw the two-walking hand and hand in school one morning, he felt like someone had put their fist through his rib cage and crushed his heart into pieces. 

Donghyuck was happy for them, he really was but that wasn’t to say it didn’t hurt like shit. So, he gave Mark a smile, mouthing a congrats while trying his hardest not to let his pain show. He then with wobbly legs walked away quickly as he could, he could still feel Mark’s gaze on him and he knew the other saw something was wrong. They knew each other so well and could pin point the slightest thing off with the other. He was almost scared Mark would chase after him and question his odd behaviour but too Donghyuck’s¬ luck his attention was pulled away by his girlfriend grabbing his arm.

Since then Donghyuck wasn’t himself, his usually enthusiastic personality seemed to have vanished. The flowers in his room started to shrivel up and die, his eyes had become dull and his face was drained of energy.

His friends had noticed this, asking him if he was okay. He simply told them he had a lot of homework and was sleeping late, he lied and said he was fine. He didn’t need them worrying about him, he knew it was his own fault for falling in love with Mark.

He supposes since Mark had introduced his girlfriend, he must have had the flowers growing in him. Because Mark loving someone else, meant that Donghyuck’s love would never be returned. 

Using all his strength, Donghyuck used the cubicle wall to help me stand. His legs felt weak and frail and all he wanted to do was go home and cry. However, he flushed the toilet, getting rid of the flower petals, and walked out to the bathroom sinks.

He used the sink to steady him, his face was pale and his body was physically shaking. It was too early for the hanahaki disease to do much to him, so he assumed his body was mostly in shock from what was happening. Donghyuck knew it would only get worse from here, the petals would grow into petals with stems that scratched your throat before finally full flowers that filled your lungs with their beauty.

If he stayed away from Mark and the boy did nothing to worsen the disease then Donghyuck should have around a month or so left to live. That’s only considering nothing happens to change it.

Splashing cold water onto his face, Donghyuck did his best to stop himself from tearing up again. He knew his options, Mark would have to magically fall in love with him, he gets the flowers surgically removed (but he would lose all feeling towards Mark) or lastly, he let them consume his body.

“Mark Lee, why did you go make me fall in love with you?” The words fell of Donghyuck’s tongue as he stared at his exhausted figure. 

His heart felt like it was made of glass, it needed to be handled with care or with one wrong move it would break. Mark shattered his heart of glass, the shards stabbing Donghyuck’s insides making him feel like curling over with pain.

Even if Donghyuck heart and mind was in so much pain, he forced on a fake smile. It looked so real that he even surprised himself, it was far to easy to pretend you’re okay when you’re fair from in. Then taking a deep shaky breath he left the bathroom to go back to his friends.

“Donghyuck where did you go? You rushed off so quick we were worried.” Renjun asked giving him a concerned look. 

“I just remembered something important I had to do, nothing worth worrying about.” He flashed the most believable smile he could at his friends and they believed his lie.

Oh, only if they knew flowers had found their way into Donghyuck’s lungs, if they knew that seeing Mark holding hands with someone else made his throat burn and that his shattered heart was too broken to be fixed with kind words and super glue.

 

The first person to find out was Na Jaemin, though it wasn’t Donghyuck’s plan for the boy to find out.

He was scrolling Instagram aimlessly on his bed, when a post from Mark came up. It was a black and white photo with his hand interlocked with his lovers, it was sweet and romantic but Donghyuck wanted nothing more to be that hand in Mark’s.

They used to hold hands a lot and cuddle until they fell asleep, but Donghyuck had been so distance lately and Mark was too occupied by his girlfriend to even notice. He felt replaced, like he wasn’t good enough. He craved Mark’s attention but maybe this was for the best, Mark being around him would only make him sicker. Anyway, Mark was happy with his girlfriend and he needed to not get in their way. If Mark found out about his condition he would drop everything to look after him, but it would be no use because he could never love him like he loved Mark. That’s why he wasn’t going to let Mark know, it would only cause more pain.

He felt his throat tighten up, he could fell the petals trying to climb their way out. This had been happening for a week now but he knew he could never get used to the vile feeling of coughing the petals up.

Scratching at his neck he ran into his bathroom, coughing viscously trying to free his airways. This time six or more petals landed before him, though this time he could see blood lining the petals. Indicating it was already getting worse. 

Just as he was about the flush the petals away, he heard a gasp behind him.

Freezing, Donghyuck remembered that he had invited Jaemin over that evening to work on a school project. Since he and Jaemin were so close the boy would just let himself without warning him, which was normally fine. However, he hadn’t locked the bathroom behind himself so Jaemin was standing shocked in the doorway, his gaze on the petals in the sink.

“Jaemin I-” He didn’t get to finish his sentence before he felt a pair of arms wrap tightly around his small waist. He could feel Jaemin shaking and realised the boy was crying, he hugged back burying his face into the youngers neck. He then felt his own tears pouring down his checks, they were warm against his cold skin and made him shiver slightly.

Jaemin held him tighter rubbing soft circles on his back, it brought comfort more than any words could have. It was silent and the only sound that could be heard was the sound of the two boy’s sobs as they held each other close.

“Is it Mark Hyung?” Jaemin whispered, his voice shaking as he hadn’t fully stopped crying. His voice cut through the silence, to Donghyuck it didn’t sound like he was whispering, it felt as if he was shouting. The question made him feel vulnerable but he had no reason to lie when Jaemin had found out this much already.

However, he didn’t trust his voice to speak right now, so he nodded softly giving Jaemin his answer. Jaemin took his hands and directed him towards his bed, he let Donghyuck climb under the covers before going into the bathroom to clean up the petals.

He frowned wondering how long Donghyuck had kept this from him. He knows he couldn’t be angry at the boy for not telling him, he must be nothing but supportive at the moment, it’s what Donghyuck needed.

“Jaemin, can you please throw away the flowers in my room?” Donghyuck’s voice was croaky from his throat being tortured after throwing up countless petals.

“You never let anymore even go near your flowers Hyuck? Why would I throw them away?’

“I can’t stand to look at them anymore Nana, they just remind me of Mark and my stupid one-sided love.” 

Jaemin didn’t say anything, only frowned while taking roses and daisy and throwing them into the trash bin. It was heart breaking, Donghyuck loved his flowers and now he couldn’t even look at them without being reminded how much pain he was in.

Jaemin then joined Donghyuck and cuddled the boy while caressing his hair smoothly, humming sweet tunes to calm the boy. Just as Donghyuck was about to drop off to sleep Jaemin whispered softly into his ear.

“It’s going to be okay, you aren’t alone anymore Hyuck. We’re going to figure it out”

Donghyuck wished he could believe his friends words and hope everything will turn out okay but he didn’t, not one bit.

 

After that day Jaemin didn’t leave Donghyuck alone, he watched his best friend carefully and was always there to rub soothing circles on his back whilst his leaned over the toilet letting the petals fall from mouth. 

Jaemin had tried bringing up wither or not he was going to have the operation a couple of times, but each time Donghyuck shot him down. Saying he didn’t want to think about it right now or he was too exhausted to talk. 

The truth was, Donghyuck had already made a decision, one he knew Jaemin wouldn’t be so fond of. He just couldn’t stand the idea of getting the surgery and losing all romantic feeling towards Mark. He knows it’s stupid because not loving Mark would be better for the both of them, but no matter how much convincing you tried on him he wouldn’t do it. He rather the disease kills him and he was actually okay with it, he was almost at peace even with the idea. At least he would die by the very two things he loved most, maybe it wouldn’t be too bad.

He knew Jaemin wouldn’t agree, she he kept his mouth shut and decided to not tell him. It was better this way.

Donghyuck sighed, his body was frail and he had lost a lot of weight since eating hurt his throat so much. His dark circles were so prominent and all together he looked like complete shit.

It was Friday and he was currently at home, he spent the whole night coughing up petals that he decided to miss out on school today, it wasn’t that important since he was dying anyway. 

He assured Jaemin over text that he was fine, telling the boy not to come over. To which hesitantly he agreed and just told Donghyuck that if he needed him to give him a text and he would be over as quick as he could.

He lay in bed with a bucket full of flower petals next to him, he looked like a mess and felt even worse. His bed sheets were wrapped tightly around his body, giving him heat and comfort and lately he had been extra cold. His eyelids felt heavy and he could barely keep them open when texting Jaemin.

Jaemin had promised to tell his friends not to worry about him, specially to tell Mark he was fine so the boy didn’t come look after him. Since it was Friday, Mark usually came over for a movie night but Donghyuck was in no state for that today. 

His curtains were drawn shut and he gave in and let his eye lids shut, drifting off into sleep, grateful he had a moment where he wasn’t coughing non-stop. His throat wasn’t stinging and he wasn’t scared of spitting up blood for once, he was about to fall into a well-deserved sleep. That’s until the sound of his doorbell rang throughout the house, startling Donghyuck awake and tearing him away from his dreams.

Confused because who would be coming to his house right now, it sure wasn’t Jaemin as he made the boy promise to not miss any school today. Hesitantly he removed the bed sheets around him, slipping on an oversized hoodie as the cold air of his house hit his bare arms making him shiver. 

He moved slowing down the staircase, treating his movements carefully as his legs felt so weak that would break if he moved to quick. His reached the front door, not bother to check for was there before swinging it wide open. However, he regretted not checking as stood in front of him was none other than Mark Lee. His eyes were filled with sadness and fist were curled into fist, like he was annoyed or angry at Donghyuck.

“Donghyuck we need to talk.” Mark was the first to say something.

Donghyuck had been avoiding Mark for three weeks now, he moved to sit next to Jisung at lunch away from Mark, he didn’t text Mark back expect to cancel any plans they had and he at all costs avoided being alone with the boy. In all honestly, he didn’t know how to act around him anymore, he knew he wouldn’t be able to pretend nothing was wrong with him if Mark was around him constantly.

Mark reached his arm out, trying to grab onto Donghyuck’s hand, who flinched away quickly. He moved his body to the side and looked down at the floor to avoid Mark’s hurt expression, Donghyuck had never shied away from contact like that before.

“You should leave.” Donghyuck voice was wobbly, he could already feel the tightness in his throat and if Mark didn’t leave soon he was going to cough up a dozen more petals right in front of him.

“No, I’m not leaving Hyuck. You’ve been avoiding me since I got together with Mina, that’s three whole weeks ago! At first, I didn’t think much of it and let you be, thinking maybe you were busy but this is gone on far too long. You cancel our Friday movie nights every week, ignore my texts and practically run away from me in the halls! For fucks sake Hyuck, you’re not yourself anymore.” Mark was fuming, his raise his voice and moved past the front door without realising. He had tears running down his face and moved closer towards Donhyuck, who had no choice but to move further into his house and let Mark in.

The front door shut behind Mark with a soft slam, making Donghyuck flinch and shut his eyes. His back was against the wall and Mark was so close to him, he could practically feel the breath of the other against his face. It was suffocating having Mark this close, it was the closest they had been for ages, his heart ached and he the air felt as if it had been sucked away.

“You’ve been looking thin recently, and your eyes have lost all passion in them. It worries me so much Hyuck, especially since you aren’t telling me anything. When I heard you were sick today, I ran straight here.” Mark’s voice was softer now.

Donhyuck kept his eyes closed, though he could feel that he himself now was also crying. He refused to open his eyes, he couldn’t stand to see Mark crying because of him, it was only cause him more pain.

“M-Mark, you shouldn’t be here.” His voice was unstable, he was holding back petals in his throat, hoping they wouldn’t fall out. “You should go back to school, your g-girlfriend is probably waiting for you.”

He felt a hand on his check, wiping away his fallen tears.

“Please don’t tell me to leave.” Mark then wrapped his spare hand around Donghyuck’s waist, pulling the crying boy into a tight embrace. “You are far more important that school, okay?”

“but your girlfriend.”

“You mean more to me than her, you are always my first priority, always.” Mark words only hurt Donghyuck more, hearing things like this only gave him useless hope, Mark could never love him back.

“Don’t say those things Mark, please.” Donghyuck was struggling to breath.

“It’s the truth.”

Donghyuck sobbed loudly, pushing himself out of Mark’s arms. His eyes puffy and tears streaming down his face, he looked at Mark, who was looked panicked at how upset the younger had become at his words that more meant to sooth him.

“No Mark Lee, you don’t get to say those things. It’s not fair, you can’t go around giving me false hope. I’ll believe your words when I know they mean nothing, you’re only going to kill me quicker.” He wasn’t sure Mark could even understand a thing he was saying, he was screaming whilst violently crying.

Donghyuck didn’t get to say more, suddenly he was chocking. It was fair worse than normal, it hurt way more, it felt as if a whole flower garden was trying to burst its way out of his chest. He fell onto his knees, his vision blurry and everything around him became muffled. He felt Mark’s presence next to him, he saw his blurry figure frantically look around for something to help. He was also saying something to Donghyuck with his arms gently on his back, though he couldn’t make out a thing the other was saying.

Donghyuck coughed, his hands placed on the floor and his head lifted up. He tried pushing Mark away, it was more painful with him around and he didn’t want him to see this. But Mark wasn’t going anywhere and Donghyuck had no control over the flowers filling his throat. 

A whole flower fell onto the floor in front of Donghyuck, a whole flower with all its petals and stem. You could barely make out that it was a lavender rose as the petals were covered in a crimson red, blood.

Donghyuck smiled bitterly, he still found flowers so beautiful even like this. He picked up the rose in one hand, taking a good look at the very thing that was killing him. 

“D-Donghyuck what is this?” Mark was sat next to the boy, his face shocked and tear streaked.

He just looked at Mark sadly before handing him the flower.

“I’m sorry, I love you...” Is all he said as darkness over took his vision, he felt his head hit the wood and then all he saw was darkness.

 

Donghyuck thought that the flowers had taken over his body, he was convinced that it was over and that he had taken his last breath.

But waking up in a hospital bed, he was proven wrong. He felt the scratchy hospital robe cling to his frail body, and he felt the multiple tubes connected to his bare arms. He still had his eyes shut but the light was so bright in the room that it shone through his eyelids. 

Donghyuck tossed around slightly as he felt how sore his throat was and his head throbbed painfully. When he moved slightly the quiet whisper in the room stopped admittedly and he knew the people in the room attention was now on him fully.

“Renjun get the doctor!” He recognised Jaemin’s voice straight away, slowly opening his eyes.

He blinked rapidly, trying to become used to the light. When his focus came into vision, he not only saw Jaemin standing at the foot of his bed but also Mark. Mark eyes were red and puffy, his clothes messy and hair knotted, he looked so exhausted and Donghyuck knew it was because of him.

Donghyuck smiled sadly as his made eye contact with Mark, he didn’t think was ever going to see the other again. Donghyuck was expecting to feel his throat tighten up again, expecting a whole new batch of fresh petals to rise up his throat at seeing Mark, but nothing happened. In fact, Donghyuck felt lighter, like he could finally breathe again, like the flowers had gone…

They couldn’t have given him the operation whilst he was knocked out, could they? No, it wouldn’t make sense, Donghyuck knows he’s still hundred percent in love with Mark Lee. So, what changed?

“Donghyuck, I’m going to with Renjun to talk to the doctor. I think you and Mark have some talking to do.” Jaemin broke the silence, patting Donghyuck knee slightly before dragging the rest of his friends out of the room besides Mark. 

Donghyuck smiled, his friends looked to have spent the night here waiting for him to get up, it made his heart swell.

“Hyuck?” Mark’s voice was so quiet Donghyuck nearly missed it as he watched Chenle be the last to leave.

“Yes…” His voice was extremely dry and croaked, it was obviously wounded from previously coughing up all the roses.

“You nearly died, damn it Hyuck! You didn’t tell me you had Hanahaki disease, you didn’t tell me anything.” Mark broke down, tears pouring his eyes. He softly hit at the hospital bed in pure frustration, he can’t believe he wasn’t there for Donghyuck when he needed him most.

“Mark hey, don’t cry.” He leaned forward, taking Mark’s hand in his. “How could I tell you? I know you would have broken up with Mina and forced yourself to love me, you’re too kind like that. It wouldn’t work and you would just be unhappy.”

Mark was about to say something but Donghyuck squeezed his hand to stop him as he learnt forward, his throat felt tight.

Donghyuck then suddenly needed to cough, though it wasn’t as painful as before. It just felt like something in his throat was stuck. He opened his palm and coughed only once into it, he opened his eyes wide as a single decayed flower fell from his mouth. It wasn’t like the night before, he hadn’t coughed up blood and the petals didn’t look fresh. The flower looked dead, Donghyuck also didn’t feel any tightness in his chest after.

“Mark, why is the flower decayed?” Donghyuck asked puzzled, wiping away his tears at staring blankly at the shrunk dead flower.

“The doctor told us your hanahaki was going away by itself, he said when they tried to pump out the flowers to save you they only found dead ones. He says it’s rare for the flowers to just die like that when your condition was so bad yesterday but-” Mark paused taking a deep breath in “He said if the other person realised they love you when you are near death, if the love is so pure and strong, it can save the other.”

Donghyuck was confused.

“So how did I survive?” 

Mark smiled, walking around the side of the bed and moving his face closer towards Donghyuck.

“Lee Donghyuck, I know I’m late but I realised my feeling towards you. I have loved you for years, so long actually but I denied the feeling so much that the universe even believed my lie. It took me seeing you literally die in front of me to realise, which is so stupid, all the signs I liked you were there all along but I ignored them.” Mark moved his hand to cup Donghyuck’s face, caressing it soothingly as the other leaned into his touch.

“Mark, I still don’t get it? You love your girlfriend.”

“I never did, I just convinced myself I did. What I had with her was never real, even she knew my heart wasn’t fully with her. She actually mutually agreed to break up, we just weren’t right for each other.” His words were whispers and his face was now so close to Donghyuck they could feel each other’s breaths.

“Hyuck, I love you. I’m sorry for making you suffer because I took so long to realise-“ 

Marks words were cut off as Donghyuck had wrapped his arms around the others neck and joined their lips together. It felt like fireworks as Donghyuck shut his eyes and his lip moved in sync with boys he loved most. Mark reacted fast and leaned down further into Donghyuck’s body. 

Mark moved himself to sit on the bed and grabbed Donghyuck’s waist pulling him onto his lap, all while kissing the boy. He moved his hands carefully not to hurt Donghyuck as the other was still quiet frail, but even with his light contact it made Donghyuck get goose bumps. Donghyuck had his legs wrapped around Mark’s waist, his hands tangled in the other hair and his kissed the other so passionately, he had been waiting so long for this moment. Donghyuck felt like his whole body and been healed from the constant pain he had been feeling before, Mark’s kisses being his medicine.

They were about to go deeper into their make out session, Mark biting teasingly on Donghyuck’s bottom lip, when suddenly the door of the hospital room shot open. Donghyuck shrieked before quickly climbing off Mark’s lap and hiding his face under the bed covers.

“Seriously, we leave for ten minutes and you two have already made up and are sucking each other’s faces off?” Jeno sighed, his hands covering Jisung’s eyes so he wouldn’t have to see his two friends making out.

“I assume Mark told you how he actually is super in love with you and is an utter idiot for making you suffer?” Jaemin said taking a sip of his drink (probably coffee, Jaemin drinks too much coffee), completely unfazed on walking into his two best friends kissing.

“Y-Yes.” Donghyuck replied trying to hide his blush and embarrassment from his friends. Though he knows they defiantly saw at least ten seconds of his and Mark’s make out and if not Mark swollen lips were a big give away.

“So, are you too dating or what?” Renjun piped in.

“Are you kidding me Renjun? Donghyuck literally almost died last night, he just woke up and the first thing you think to ask is if he’s going to date Mark Hyung.” Chenle pitched in removing his hand from Jisung’s and turning towards Renjun.

“Well, I haven’t asked him yet.” Mark says , his gaze on Donghyuck “Lee Donghyuck, when you heal and your health is perfect, would you do the honour of going on a date with me?”

He could hear Chenle scoff jokingly and the others cooing.

“That sounds perfect.” Donghyuck smiled pulling Mark into a quick kiss, to which his friends all made it clear how disgusted they were.

The last couple weeks had been a roller-coaster for Donghyuck, he had almost died just yesterday because he simply fell in love. But as he sits in the hospital bed, Mark’s hand intertwined with his, all the pain seemed worth it. 

Maybe he would even learn to love flowers again someday.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not that pleased with the ending and I'm sorry if it seems rushed :(  
> Honestly I'm not good at writing angst and hate this whole fic so wanted to get it finished fast...
> 
> If you actually enjoyed this mess of 5,000 words please leave a comment and/or kudos so I know you enjoyed uwu


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